That's Life

man....I just can't stay mad/angry/sad for very long...my happiness usually ends up takin' over, which is a good thing....I tried to stay mad/angry/sad for not bein' able to go to the Jonas Brothers concert in arkansas, but I know it's ok that I miss this one 'cause I'll see them twice this summer. And I'm lucky enough to be able to do that. I know lots of people won't get to see them 'cause JB isn't gonna be playin' anywhere near them...I told myself and all my friends that I would be sad/mad all weekend if I wasn't able to go to the concert, but I can't make myself act like that for long, 'cause there would be no use to it, even though it is 4:45 in the morning and this could be my tiredness from talking ,and I may feel differently when I wake up.

I focus too much on the small picture and really need to open my eyes to the bigger picture. I have been lucky enough to have been blessed and loved by so many. I would go to the ends of the earth for these people, and I still feel like it wouldn't be enough to repay them for how much they have blessed my life.

I do have to say that in the past few months, the little bubble I have been living in for my whole life has popped/shrunk. And I am extremely thankful that it has, 'cause before that, everything was perfect, nothing was bad, nothing wrong/bad ever happened to me. I don't know exactly what it was that opened my eyes, but I do know that it was a good friend that help me see the real world. I realized that I can't push my beliefs onto other people, and not all other people believe in the same thing I do. I have come to terms that people get pregnant out of wedlock, and that people drink underage, and that people experiment with drugs. It's a fact of life that I am just gonna have to deal with. It doesn't mean that I have to participate in it. It also doesn't mean that if I have a friend/know someone that do things like that, that I can't be their friend anymore. It means that even though I may not agree totally with someone's lifestyle, I'm gonna have to deal with it, because as everyone always says "That's life." Just that plain and simple.

Up until a few months ago, I just feel kinda like I had a humongous stick up my butt or something...'cause lookin' back on what i was like a few months ago and even before that, I was so judgemental and I honestly did worry what people thought of me. I had self confidence and everything, and I didn't really have an issue with self-esteem. I was fine with who I was, and I'm fine with who I am now, but it's just amazing to see how low I was. I judged people by what they were wearing, or how their hair was cut, or how skinny they were....Even though I knew it was wrong, I still judged people... and now lookin' back on that, I just wanna punch myself in the face and say "IT DOESN'T MATTER ABOUT THE OUTSIDE!!!!!!" and I know people say that...but it really doesn't...when it all comes down to it, what matters most is the person on the inside, not even kidding.

I feel like God has opened my eyes and said, "Look at the true beauty." I look outside when I'm in a car now, and I don't just see grass or the sky. I see beautiful, lush green growth on the ground that God has given to us. I know it's just grass, but it is astonishing to know that God created that! and to know that there are all sorts of different animals and creatures blows me away, not to mention the fact that each person in the world is completely different. God's miracle's will never cease, and I wish I would have noticed them a long time ago. I'll be 20 in 5 and a half months, and I wish I had figured out all this 10 years ago. I'm just glad that I'm not 10 years from now wishing I had figured it out earlier then. I know that life throws hardballs and obstacles, but I think God puts them there so that we can help others overcome them and grow closer to Him through each other.

I know that was one extreme to another, but that's what's on my heart right now!